Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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