threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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