If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
