i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
