I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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