Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize