I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
