Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
