I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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