i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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