I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
