the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
