You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
