i already hear my dad disowning me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
