It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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