so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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