This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
