he shaved USA in his pubs
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
