Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
