It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
