so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
