She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
