I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
