So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize