I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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