You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
