just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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