I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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