like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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