don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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