Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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