Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
