around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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