new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
