The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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