Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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