I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
