i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
