She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
