I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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