I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just google imaged poop.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
