i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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