plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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