im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
