Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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