She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize