Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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