At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
