Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Floor bacon is actually really good
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
