it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
