I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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