Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
