she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
