I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
