After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize