I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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