Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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