I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
