how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
