Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
