Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
