she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
