I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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