Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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