Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
