my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
no, he came in my armpit
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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