he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
