It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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