alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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