What a fucking waste of an outfit
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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