matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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