Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
