I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
