Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
