Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize