apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
