There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Acid is not a monday night drug
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
