You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
