Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
