He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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