Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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