never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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