My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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