THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I did not marry a roomba.
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