my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
