yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
