its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
